Something to Pray About

Today I began filling out forms for something I never really imagined myself doing. They are forms for adoption. No, not forms for adopting a dog (although I have done that as well), but forms to adopt a child. I guess word has gotten out that Mark and I have struggled with infertility for quite awhile now. We have kept pretty quiet about it because I feel it is a rather private part of our marriage, and most people just don't understand when you tell them you are struggling with infertility. Mark and I have been married for almost 3 years now. Yes, we have had more than our share of struggles, bad decisions, good times and bad times, but God has blessed us and we are trying our best to have a marriage that glorifies Him. We have always known we want to have children, and we wanted to have them young. We have tried for almost two years now, and have recently been through several infertility tests. Truth is, it will be difficult for us to conceive a child. You will never understand the pain this brings to our hearts unless you have been through it. I think it's safe to say that infertility is one of the hardest things any married couple may ever have to go through. It seems like every week I find out that another one of my friends or family members is pregnant. I have spent many days in tears and constantly cried out to God, wondering why everyone I know is having children, but we can't. Sometimes it's hard working in the nursery or listening to people brag about their kids. I watch Mark with other children and think to myself, "what a wonderful father he would make." Recently, I believe God has opened my heart and Mark's as well to the opportunity of adoption. I am not willing to be one of those people who puts themselves through several painful and emotional infertility procedures, and tens of thousands of dollars in debt, only to never conceive a child. I truly feel that if God wants us to conceive a child of our own, then He will allow it to happen without all those medical interventions. I am starting to feel that perhaps it is God's will for us to adopt, but that doesn't necessarily make it any easier. Yes, we are still young, but adoption is a long process. Usually 2-3 years, and it can be very costly. For the past couple of weeks, I have been praying that if it is God's will for us to adopt, then He will give us the perfect child for our family, and He will provide every penny for the cost of the adoption. I also continue to pray that God will help us to conceive a child of our own, but if it is not His will, I pray that God will give me contentment in that. God calls us to take care of widows and orphans, and my eyes have recently been opened to the ministry opportunities that can bring. I now believe that even if God does bless us with children of our own, I would still want to adopt a child one day. Mark and I would greatly appreciate your prayers regarding these things. It is a daily struggle and a very emotional process...but deep down in my heart I know God has a perfect plan for our family, and I believe He will give us children, whether it is naturally, through adoption, or both.

The TV Dilemma

For the first two years of our marriage, Mark and I lived on campus at Oklahoma Baptist University while he finished his undergrad. Living on campus was wonderful in the sense that we both worked on campus and hardly ever used our car. We were also given the luxury of having free internet and cable TV. I never had cable tv growing up...in fact, my parents never even owned a VCR or DVD player until after I was in college. We hardly ever watched tv when I was a kid, but I don't think I missed out on anything. I loved to play games and be creative. Having 3 sisters was fun, and there was hardly ever a dull moment!

All that to say...when we were suddenly given free cable tv after I got married, I was excited! I LOVE watching HGTV and TLC. Those are two of my favorite channels, and I could watch them all day...and I pretty much did. I would watch tv for my hour lunch break, and as soon as I got home from work at 5pm, the tv would be on for the rest of the night until we went to bed. Between my love for TLC and HGTV and Mark's love of ESPN, the tv was ALWAYS on!

We never realized it at the time, but our tv watching habits were slowly eating away at our marriage. We thought we were spending time together sitting on the couch watching tv, but almost two years into our marriage we realized that we really went wrong in that part of our lives. We hardly ever sat down at the table to have dinner and we rarely had serious conversations or even asked eachother how the day was. I definitely don't blame all of our failures in our marriage on bad tv habits, but it was definitely a big part of things we did wrong. Few of you know the details about the hardships Mark and I have faced in our marriage since about a year ago. While it's not necessary to share those details, I will say that we have been through the fire more than our share of times and have dealt with hardships most people shouldn't have to face this early in their marriage. We slowly realized that a lot of problems stemmed from a lack of good communication early on...and I think a lot of that can be contributed to watching tv for 7 hours a day.

After being homeless and jobless for the summer, we moved to Louisville, KY, where we vouged to make some major changes in our habits. The first thing we promised to do was not to get cable tv. It was hard at first, but oh what a world of difference it has made! While our schedules are crazier than ever, it seems like we actually have more time together because we hardly ever watch tv. We love taking walks and going to the park. While money is tight, we don't eat out a lot or do many activities that cost money...but there are tons of things we can do together that cost very little. I can honestly say that our marriage is better than ever now...we have made a lot of changes (aside from the tv change). That doesn't mean we don't have hardships, but we have better equipped ourselves to handle them and to trust the Lord in what He is doing.

SO...after saying all that, we just found out last night that next month we will be getting free cable TV in our apartment on campus at Southern Baptist Seminary! It was exciting when we first heard that, but then we stopped to think about it and realized how much better our lives are without tv. It will be hard, but we are going to try our best not to fall back into those bad habits. I think it's just another test God is throwing our way. FREE cable...what do we do? If tv is a struggle in your life, I encourage you to take some time away from it and see what a difference it can make. If you have fun things you enjoy doing that don't cost a lot of money, I'd love to hear about it!

Friends...who are they really?

I know it has been a couple months since I have written anything on here, but most people probably didn't notice since there are not many people who know about our blog yet. I am hoping for it to be a place where I can write my thoughts day to day and get some feedback from people. I love reading blogs of friends. I find it a great encouragement and love reading the thoughts of other people. If you enjoy reading blogs or want to keep up with our lives, please read and please give me feedback! I love to hear comments and truth...plus it encourages me to keep writing if I know people are reading.
I recently took a break from facebook (I think it was at least a couple months that I went without it). Some of you may find that hard to imagine because you practically live on facebook. That's what I thought too, but I found my facebook break to be a much needed release for my life. While yes, it is a wonderful way to keep in contact with old friends, I was feeling it to be a very impersonal way of having "friendships". Plus, the news/mini-feed on facebook seems to tell you everything about your "friends" before you decide you even want to hear it. There were times I logged onto facebook and read things that maybe I didn't want to find out by a facebook newsfeed. I feel blogging is a good solution to all of that because you don't have to read my blog if you don't want to. If you go to my blog, it is because you purposely and intentionally want to read it...not because you signed onto fb to say hi to a friend and found out a million facts about several other people in the meantime. In saying all that, I am back on facebook, but mostly because there are a few friends I really miss keeping in contact with. For now, I will give facebook a second chance. We will see how long it lasts. However, I must say that sometimes I truly miss the days of receiving letters in the mail or having a nice phone conversation with an old friend. Most of that has been replaced with email, facebook, and texting. Isn't it weird how you can have so many friends these days, but you never physically have to speak a word to them? What makes you consider a friend a friend? Is it because they are your friend on facebook, because you spoke to them once a couple years ago? I really would like to know...what makes you consider a person your friend?