God, give us clarity

In one more week, Mark will be finished with his first year of seminary. We have been praying A LOT about what God wants us to do after that. We really feel that school is not what we are supposed to be doing right now. Mark has been in school full-time for all 3 years of our marriage. He has grown a whole lot and has gained a wealth of knowledge, but it doesn't take a Master's degree to be able to serve the Lord. Mark has a huge passion for serving the Lord through worship in music, and he does an amazing job. We both feel that we can best be used in a full-time ministry setting right now, but we are not sure if that is God's will right now. We have been praying for complete clarity in our lives...that God will make His will so clear that there will not be a single doubt in our minds. I pray that God will put the answer right in front of our faces so that we can't possibly miss it. Until He makes that clear, we will keep doing what we are doing...trying to make the most of it.

Now, for other news in our lives...one week ago we filled out and mailed in an application for adoption through Baptist Children's Home. That was a HUGE step for us! We have had the application for about 6 months, but have never felt it was the right time to mail it in. Last week, we felt it was time. We have decided to stop "trying" to conceive. If it happens, we will be thrilled beyond belief, but we are not going to do anymore fertility testing or procedures. As far as we know, we can't have kids...but God is bigger than that, and I have no doubt we will be parents soon, whether by adoption or by natural birth. For now, we are pursuing adoption. We feel that is the next step to take. We mailed the forms in on Monday, and got a phone call from BCH on Friday to set up a time to come for an orientation/interview. We do not yet have a date set for that, but it will probably be within the next few weeks. Once we have that meeting, we will know a lot more. What we have been told is that it can be a 2-3 year process. I have been praying that if it is God's will for us to adopt, that he will give us a child who will be the perfect fit for our family. I also pray that He will give us patience and peace during the process. It can be a long, emotional process. Adoption is expensive, but I believe that if it is truly God's will, He will provide the finances. I pray daily for our future children. Whether we adopt them or God decides to allow us to conceive, they will be OUR children. It doesn't matter their nationality or skin color or whether they look anything like me. If we adopt, that child will be ours and I can't wait to raise him/her in the ways of the Lord! I know God has a child/children out there for us, and when I finally do get to hold that child in my arms...it will be all the more special because of all we have been through in the process. I can't wait to hold my baby and know that God created that child for me, so that Mark and I can raise him/her to follow in the ways of the Lord. One day...I will be a mom! And as mother's day approaches, for those of you who are mothers, I hope you know how blessed you are...and I hope you remember all those "mothers" who have empty arms because God has not yet chosen to give them that blessing. I know that God has great things in store. "I will not quit. By God's grace, I can do it."

Quick Update

For those of you who read this...I'd like to know:) I don't know that very many people read my blog or are interested in reading it, but I'd love to know if you do. I just realized that it has been about a month since I last wrote something, so I thought I'd just write a quick update for those of you who actually read this.

Life has been crazy...and extremely hard! Mark started working at UPS about 6 weeks ago and we have had to adjust to a new schedule. He goes to bed by 9pm at the latest, then wakes up at 3am to be at UPS from 4am-9am. He then comes home for 20 minutes, changes his clothes and heads to his second job at BestBuy from 10am to 3pm. This happens every day M-F, not to mention that he goes to class on Monday and Thursday evenings. For now, he does have the weekends free, for which we are extremely grateful, but his schedule is not exactly ideal. I am so proud of Mark for all his hard work and thankful for what he does for our family. I recently started a new nanny job for two boys ages 1 and 4. It's about 20 hours a week, and I also have several other babysitting/odd jobs. More than anything, I would love to be a stay at home mom, but apparently that is not God's plan for me right now. I am having a hard time accepting that, but I will get there. We recently have spent a good amount of money on several infertility tests and procedures, but to no avail. I think we are done with anymore infertility procedures right now. I guess that our desires are not God's desires at the moment. I know that is easy to write in a blog...but really finding contentment in the fact that God doesn't want us to have children right now is extremely hard to accept. The past month has been a huge struggle for me. Emotionally, I am completely worn out. My dad and oldest sister drove through the night last week to come get me in Louisville and bring me back to Michigan for a week so that I could have a break from the emotions and stresses of life right now. I am grateful for my family and their willingness to help me through this difficult time. Right now I am in Traverse City, MI spending time with my two older sisters and their children (and my parents) at the Great Wolf Lodge. It is a nice change in pace from my normal, every day life. I don't get to see my family very often since we live 6 hours away, so it has been nice to spend time with them this past week. Mark is still at home in KY because of work, and while I am enjoying my time in MI, I am really missing him. Next week it's back to "normal" life again...although I'm not sure there really is such a thing as normal.

Well, that's a quick update on life here. Sorry I don't have anything profound to write at the moment, but thanks for checking in.